A Man Could Get Arrested

Cruising for Sex

The gay sexual landscape has changed quite dramatically over the last one hundred years. For a large part of that time, sodomy and other homosexual conduct was illegal in most of the world, including many states in the U.S. In places where it was not outright illegal, there was no social support for homosexuality, and the sexual activities of gay men were stigmatized by society. There were no gay bars, no gay coffee shops, no gay neighborhoods. It was a straight world, and the majority of gay men were forced to live straight lives. This caused many gay men to define their sexual identity based on shame and fear instead of a positive understanding of who they were sexually attracted to. However, within this paradigm, some gay men learned to take control of their sexual expression in a way that rejected the stigma placed on them by society. This newfound freedom of expression emboldened them to behave in a way that was distinctly different than the behavior society expected of them, and they started cruising for sex in public places, using nothing more than a knowing glance or a sly smile to communicate their sexual interest to other gay men when they found themselves in the presence of people who might want to harm them if they understood what was being communicated. As a history developed around the concept of finding and having sex in public places, cruising for sex developed into a subculture for the gay male community. The 1970's saw sexual freedoms begin to loosen and gay liberation begin to strengthen, and as a result, gay men became less willing to accept the status quo and more willing to express their sexuality any way that suited them, regardless of what other people thought of it. Waterfront piers, university bathrooms, rest stops, public toilets, gyms, parks, beaches, and many other public places became popular gay cruising spots, and cruising for sex became the foundation of the gay male sexual identity. Cruising for sex eventually became so commonplace most gay men needed only to walk around in their own neighborhoods to find a willing sexual partner.

Modern Day Cruising

Today, cruising for sex can take many different forms and can happen in many different places, from sun-kissed dunes on a faraway beach to steamy, red-lit saunas in the back of seedy gyms, practically any place where two men's eyes can meet can become a place to have sex. The term cruising has taken on a more general meaning, to refer to the hunt for sex, not one specific hunt but rather a continuous hunt that never really ends. Many gay men are always on the lookout for potential sexual partners, looking for signals from other men they encounter everywhere they go. Cruising for sex is all about perception, determining whether the guy who glanced at you was just being friendly or telling you he's interested. Cruising for sex exists as a vibrational frequency that emanates from certain undertones that permeate everyday situations in otherwise very normal public places. The searching gaze of a man, the body language of a stranger, the eroticism of certain rudimentary surroundings are all key elements in the almost constant hunt for quick, anonymous, intimate encounters with other men that occurs spontaneously in unexpected places at unexpected times. For many gay men, cruising adds a sense of mischief to sex. It's something gay men have that straight men don't. But it doesn't come without its drawbacks. Cruising for sex in public places has always been inherently dangerous. There is always the risk of being in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people close enough to understand what is happening. Also, having sex in public is illegal in some areas, and gay men risk being arrested if caught by the police. This is why it's not for everyone. Many gay men are turned off by the risks, are not comfortable having sex in public, or look down on it socially.

---

P Street Beach

I've never been a big fan of cruising for sex in public places myself, mainly because I don't like doing my business out in the open, but I have lured into public sex from time to time throughout my adulthood. Before I tell you about one of those times, you should know that I've never been the type of gay man who has sex with his friends. Some gay men are very good at maneuvering through the complicated maze of social mores associated with balancing friendship with sex. I'm not one of those men. I've never bonded as a friend with the men I've slept with and once I've bonded with another guy as a friend, sex just isn't enticing. I've always chosen friends that are very similar to myself, so my circle of friends is comprised of gay men who know everything about what we each like sexually but have never had sex with one another...well, mostly.

When I lived in Virginia, I drove into D.C. several times a week to go to gay bars, drink, hook up, and all of the other things gay men in their early 20s did. Across the street from one of the busiest gay bars in the city, Badlands, there was a small patch of undeveloped land that had a small wooded area on one end. We called it P Street Beach because it was on P Street, and during the day, it was a popular place to soak up some sun. When you would spread out a blanket and lie down on the ground, the traffic from Rock Creek Parkway, located just below it, sounded like ocean waves crashing on a distant shore. At night, it was a very popular after hours cruise spot for those who didn't hook up in the bar. At 2:00am, it was very dark in the woods, so dark you literally could not see your own hand in front of your face, so the hundreds of drunk horny gay men who went there would end up stumbling through the little patch of trees, tripping on upturned roots, stepping on discarded trash, bumping into other drunk horny gay men having sex. P Street Beach was notorious, mainly because it was always just as likely that you'd be pick pocketed as it was you'd get a blowjob...and you could always get a blowjob. I never learned how to protect my pockets when my pants were around my ankles, so I stayed away from the place as a rule, but from time to time, I'd find myself drunk enough and horny enough to walk into that little patch of trees. Mind you, I would never admit this to my friends, mainly because everyone I knew looked down on on it, but also because it just wasn't something I wanted to brag about.

One super horny trickless night, I found myself stumbling through that little patch of woods. I eventually stumbled into a guy who was just my type, well at least as far as I could tell in the total dark of the night. We had a great time. He gave me an absolutely amazing blowjob. It was such a hot time that I still remember it all these years later. Sex there was always fast and furious, and other guys bumped into you the whole time because, again, nobody could see anything, so to get a blowjob like that was definitely memorable. He kept saying "fuck yeah". His voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't focus on that. All I could think about was how fucking perfect my dick felt in his mouth. He sucked my dick until I squirt what seemed like one of the biggest fucking orgasms I've ever had. My body literally shuddered when I came. We went our separate ways shortly thereafter. As I was walking to my car, I began to come down from the high of my orgasm, and my mind was able to focus on his voice. As I got to my car, I put a name to the voice. One of my closest friends had just given me the blowjob of my life. I had no idea what this would do to the friendship, maybe nothing, maybe everything. On the drive home, I decided to never say a word about it to anyone, and I never have until now.

Then the Internet Came Along

The digital revolution has changed just about every facet of human life, and technology has become integrated into the very fabric of our daily lives. In particular, the Internet revolutionized the practice of cruising for sex, and in the beginning, cruising for sex online was just as fun, just as thrilling, as its traditional precursor. It also solved many of the problems associated with cruising for sex in public places. First, it was risk-free. There was no risk of arrest, no risk of being mugged, no risk of being caught with your pants down by someone you didn't want catching you with your pants down. Nothing could be safer than looking for sex from the comfort of your own home. Second, it was efficient. You could look for sex on multiple websites and platforms at the same time. You certainly couldn't do anything like that in person. Third, it provided a place for gay men who didn't cruise for sex in person to cruise for sex. For those gay men who didn't cruise for sex in public places, Internet chat rooms provided an appealing alternative. Cruising for sex online appealed to a broader audience, making the pool of potential sexual partners seemingly endless. Fourth, cruising for sex online brought men from disparate parts of the gay community together in one place doing the same thing at the same time. Guys who weren't old enough to drink alcohol cruised guys who were looking for someone to get high with who cruised guys who under socialized and rarely connected with other gay men and so on and so on. Men from just about every fringe group within the gay community began to connect with one another on a sexual level speaking a language they all understood. Fifth, cruising for sex online allowed you to get to know a little about your sexual partners before meeting up with them. For instance, you could ask what they were looking for so you'd know if that aligned with what you were looking for. Cruising for sex in person is, by its very nature, anonymous. When you cruised for sex in person, either you had sex with someone or you didn't. There was no asking questions. If it ended up you were looking for different things, you'd split and try again with someone else. There are many other differences between cruising for sex in person and cruising for sex online. In many respects, cruising for sex online prevailed, at least more so than its in person alternative. The convenience of accessible online hook-ups represented a paradigm shift from the thrill of unplanned hook-ups, and all was good until that paradigm shifted again.

And Then Came Grindr

It was a logical step from online chat rooms to social networking. Gay men had already been oriented toward the concept. All that was needed was the infrastructure. When the paradigm shifted again, cell phones had firmly planted themselves in the pockets and palms of people everywhere, and an app that enabled gay men to cruise for sex on their cell phones just made sense. Grindr was the first location-based cruising app to hit the market, but many more quickly followed. This technology revolutionized the gay male dating culture. These apps are convenient and always available. and they ruined everything. The convenience of cruising for sex on a cell phone attracted many gay men to these apps. Suddenly, you could open your cell phone and see that there was a another guy looking for sex who was 10 feet away and another 30 feet away and another 45 feet away and so on and so on. The thrill returned to cruising for sex. It became fun and exciting again. But one thing it didn't become was realistic. These apps made it very easy to find guys who were looking for sex, but with so many to choose from, the likelihood of anyone actually seeing it through and hooking up decreased. Despite this, these apps changed the way gay men cruise for sex online. With so many guys signed in all the time, it became normal to wait until hotter guys signed in, the more normal it became, the longer they had to wait, until eventually, it was all about waiting and never about hooking up.

And Then There Was Grindr

As people adapt to this, it changes the rules of the game and creates a new balance in the intimacy of gay dating culture. Cruising may have gone back to the street but it is now in a different form that is conditioned by modern technology. Cruising is no longer reliant on subtle coded signals or glances, and is instead limited to these apps (Heinemeier, 2017). Historically, Grindr was the first iPhone app to combine dating �€” and sex �€” with geolocation, birthing a genre that today includes favorites like Tinder and Bumble, which are popular with the larger heterosexual user base.

My Online Life

Whereas, I have never been a big fan of cruising for sex in public, I am a big fan of cruising for sex online. I like it right away. But after twenty years of cruising for sex online, it is no longer what it once was.

Works Cited

Blum, Steven (2017, May 28). Cruising Online Was Actually Fun Before Grindr Ruined Everything. Vice Magazine. https://www.vice.com/en/article/ae5j4a/cruising-online-was-actually-fun-before-grindr-ruined-everything

Auerbach, David (2014, August 21). When AOL Was GayOL. Slate Magazine. https://slate.com/technology/2014/08/lgbtq-nerds-and-the-evolution-of-life-online.html

Fitzsimons, Tim (2019). How a decade with GPS 'dating' apps changed us all. Retrieved from https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/grindr-turns-10-how-decade-gps-dating-apps-changed-us-n986666

Heinemeier, Eskild (2017). Grindr has changed sex culture among gay men. Retrieved from https://sciencenordic.com/culture-denmark-sex/grindr-has-changed-sex-culture-among-gay-men/1449993

---