Being Boring

The Surprising Upside of Being a Homebody

Before I begin this extremely engaging and insightful discussion on being a homebody, it will be helpful to make sure we agree on just what a homebody is. This will allow you to determine whether you need to adjust your understanding of this term so you are able to approach this discussion from my perspective, the right perspective. This may seem a bit one-sided, but the current platform does not support two-way communication, so the only option we have of either of us changing his perspective to meet the other where he is rests in you and your perspective. With that said, let's find out what it means to be a homebody. Simply put, a homebody is someone whose life centers on their home (Webster, 2023). Notice that this definition is completely free of negative connotations. Notice that it doesn't imply a deeper meaning. It doesn't state whether being a homebody is good or bad, and it doesn't insult anyone who might happen to be a homebody. Most people who are not homebodies harbor negative misconceptions about what it means to be one. These misconceptions allow them, people whose lives do not center on their home, to think they know what being a homebody is all about when, in actuality, they know nothing about it. In contrast, I truly understand what makes someone a homebody. That's because I have always been the type of person who likes to stay home. For as far back as I can remember, I have preferred being at home by myself rather than being anywhere else with anybody. Even when I was a kid, I always liked to stay home more than I liked to hang out with the other boys in the neighborhood or do anything else outside. Like everybody else, as I grew up I changed in so many ways, more ways than I can count, but one of the very few things about me that has never changed is that I am still a homebody.

This is how I look at it. Some people thrive when they surround themselves with other people, and some people thrive when they surround themselves with their home, maximizing the amount of time they spend at home doing the things they enjoy. I know what makes me thrive. What about you?

The Joy of Being Alone

Many people think being a homebody is a bad thing. They think people who stay home all the time are boring or that we are loners who lack the ability to socialize like normal people. That couldn't be further from the truth. My home truly is my sanctuary. It's where I go to escape from the craziness of every day life. It's where I go to recharge and refuel. I am content with my home, my space, my routine. This is my comfort zone, and it makes me feel safe. I gain strength and comfort from being alone whereas being around other people drains my energy and leaves me feeling down. When I'm home, my mind becomes peaceful, and I am able to reflect on my past experiences and use the knowledge I gain from that self-reflection to shape my future experiences. I know I'm not going to miss out on anything if I stay home. I know there will be other dinners, other parties, other outings. I know I'm not being boring just because I don't want to go to a party or some other social outing. I think other people miss out on the joy of being alone when they constantly surround themselves with other people. I think they are being boring when they do the same things they've done a million times already. For me, there is simply no better way to spend the day than in the comfort of my own home.

I'm in introvert, not a hermit. I'm not anti-social, I value my alone time and have different priorities about how I want spend my free time. I don't hate going to parties and having fun, I've already gone to so many that I know I'm not going to miss out on anything if I skip one. I've invited to do things with other people as often as the next guy, but I don't feel pressured to go just because I'm invited. When I do go out, I don't spend the time wishing I was home, I make my appearances then leave when I it seems right because I never want to overstay my welcome. It isn't about being holed up at home, it's about becoming whole again at home. It's not I don't like being around other people, I just don't like being around other people all the time.

Recharge in Solitude

I Do What I Want. When I'm at home by myself I get to do what I want to do without having to worry about what anyone else wants or what they want to do. I can sleep all day. I can sit on the sofa doing nothing all day. I can stay in my underwear all day. I can walk around naked all day. I can please myself any way I want, and I very often do.

I Learn Who I Am. Being a homebody gives me a lot of time to think. I think about things that have happened to me. I think about things I want to have happen to me. I think about things I like to do. I think about people I like to do things with. I reflect on who I am and who I want to be. All this thinking and reflecting helps me understand myself and my personality in a very clear way.

I Restore My Energy. By staying home, I'm able to relax, and when I relax, I'm able to release the stress I feel from every day life. Society places a lot of expectations on us. We are constantly being pressured to do one thing or another, to hang out with one person or another, to go out to one place or another, all because of one social obligation or another. The stress of these obligations can build up and have a cumulative affect on our energy and our well-being. Being a homebody helps me manage the stress of every day life.

I've Become Self-Reliant. Being a homebody my whole life, I've learned to be self-reliant in everything I do. Although this can sometimes limit the things I do, Relationships also matter to homebodies, but they value quality over quantity. This mindset taught them to be independent in their own ways especially if they live solo. They know that being around people is not always the answer. When faced with difficulties, they find ways on how to navigate through the situations making them self-reliant and bold. Their bravery is the result of not depending too much on others. I would rather have one good friend than a thousand friends who don't really care about me.

I Avoid My Bad Habits. A hobby gives you something to do when you become bored, and it can even give you something to look forward to and get excited about, preventing boredom altogether. When you have a hobby to fill your free time, you will be less likely to spend that time on wasteful or negative activities that do not add to the quality of your life.

The Challenges of Being a Homebody

Being a homebody comes with its share of challenges. The main problem is that there are a ton of things that require me to leave the house, including grocery shopping, school, work, and many other things. These things can cause stress for a die hard homebody.

Having to Constantly Explain that I Really Do Enjoy Being Alone. Sometimes, just getting lost in your own imagination (which homebodies are delightfully imaginative) is fun. But it's always awkward to explain it to someone who asks you what you're up to — how do you explain that there's a fun kind of nothing?

Having to Make Up Excuses for Cancelling My Plans. While saying "no" to a plan is ideal, you don't want to be that mean to your friends. But it eventually gets to the point where "I'm not feeling that good" is a little overused and your friends are beginning to catch on to your schemes.

Constantly Being Dragged Out of the House to Have a Fun Time. When you're all settled down after a long day of binge-watching Netflix, you've queued up the next episode of "New Girl" and just finished making food (or getting it from the delivery person), your friend texts you "want to go out?" Your whole world shatters. And when they actually force you to go out... that's the worst.

Always Being Called Anti-Social. This is probably one of the biggest pet peeves of every homebody. We may be the quiet friend of the group or the person that doesn't like to go out much, but there's no need to put such a negative label on us, thank you very much.

Solitude

In 1845, a reasonably well-known guy who lived in the relative comfort of small town life in Massachusetts decided to disrupt his small town life by moving to the country, so he picked up everything he owned and moved one mile way to Walden Pond. At Walden Pond, he lived in a log cabin in the woods and literally lived off the land, growing his own vegetables and killing his own game. Many people at the time, and many more since, thought this guy at least a little off his rocker for choosing that kind of lifestyle when more comfortable options were available. But for Henry David Thoreau, the insights he attained while living at Walden Pond were well worth what he had given up to live there. Nine years after his move, Thoreau published one of the most philosophical writings in American history, Walden; or, Life in the Woods. In this book, he details many of his experiences and much of what he learned while living at Walden Pond. Thoreau did not move to Walden Pond to become a hermit. He moved there to isolate himself in order to gain a more objective understanding of civil society. His book is a social critique of that society. One chapter, in particular, is relevant to the current topic, Solitude. This chapter is only seven pages long, but they are some of the most positive seven pages I have ever read.

In the first sentence of Solitude, Thoreau declares it to be a delicious evening. The use of the word delicious in this context is not just positive but positively brilliant. It is a cognate of the word delightful that means giving great pleasure. This is very surprising, very positive statement. In this first paragraph, Thoreau puts to rest the idea that he was recluse at Walden Pond by making an important distinction between solitude and loneliness. He points out that someone can feel lonely even when surrounded by a lot of people if he isn't well connected to them. In contrast, although Thoreau rarely encounters other people at Walden Pond, he still feels close to his friends because he knows physical distance cannot separate kindred spirits. For Thoreau, solitude has nothing to do with physical proximity to other people. In solitude, Thoreau is able to foster closer, more genuine connections with other people, particularity his friends. Thoreau suggests that it would be better if we saw other people less often, so we could appreciate each other more. Our need for rules for dealing with each other indicates that society is less enjoyable than we pretend. He feels we get in each other's way too much and that we might have something important to communicate if we spent more time alone.

Works Cited

Webster. (2023). "Homebody". Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary Online, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/homebody.

Heru, A. M. (2008). "Intimate Partner Violence: Practical Issues for Psychiatrists" Retrieved from https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/intimate-partner-violence-practical-issues-psychiatrists

Langhinrichsen-Rohling, Jennifer (2011). Gender and Stalking: Current Intersections and Future Directions. Sex Roles, 66(5), 418–426, doi:10.1007/s11199-011-0093-3. S2CID 143722863

Spitzberg, Brian H.; Cupach, William R. (2019). The state of the art of stalking. Journal of Aggression and Violent Behavior, 12(1), 64–86, doi:10.1016/j.avb.2006.05.001. ISSN 1359-1789

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